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The growing set of quotations I've gathered for my email signatures...
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Being popular is important. Otherwise people might not like you.
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
Don't force it; get a larger hammer.
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
That's the great thing about standards... there's so many to choose from.
Amoebit: Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
What is a magician but a practising theorist?
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Bryan Christopher Horling <=> Grr! the sharp, rich loony-bin
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981
"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Pop. Mech. 1949
"Do not use GAK on varnished or unvarnished surfaces." - GAK warning label
The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
Pinocchio is Italian for "pine head."
COGITO EGGO SUM - I think; therefore, I am a waffle
I've recently been linked to cancer in laboratory mice.
All work and no play makes Bryan a dull boy.
Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
Bite the wax tadpole
I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.
I'm a little teapot.
"Auntie Em: hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog." -Dorothy
Eschew obfuscation
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
I'm afraid of phobias
The following sentence is true. The preceding sentence was false.
"It's the lemon zester of death!!" - MST3K
Mr. Owl Ate My Metal Worm.
There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.
No keyboard present. Hit F1 to continue.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
Only the mediocre are always at their best
This space intentionally left blank.
This message is void where prohibited
It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye - then it's keep away!
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
If it's on fire, it's likely just a hardware problem.
if u cn rd ths u cn bcm a c prgmr
In America we have a word for sushi: 'bait.'
Me, indecisive? I'm not so sure about that.
I think the word you are looking for is 'AARRGGHH!'
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in pain.
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
A nasty looking dwarf throws a knife at you.
Chomp-ba-chewy chomp, ba-chewy chomp.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
"Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
If you didn't have to work so hard, you'd have more time to be depressed.
If you were a hot dog, and you were starving, would you eat yourself?
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
If you must choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before
Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? "Dam."
Change is inevitable; growth is optional.
I wonder, how much deeper the oceans would be without all those sponges?
Busses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations. I have a workstation...
I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
Smile and the world smiles with you. Frown and you get credit for thinking.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
This signature may contain nuts.
Donations of ideas to improve my sanity would be appreciated.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure. -- VP Dan Quayle
Fish heads. Fish heads. Eat them up, yum!
Linux - The Choice Of a GNU Generation
Fetchez la vache!
Try Burning Monkey Solitaire today! (www.freeverse.com)
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
Growing old is manditory. Growing up is optional.
If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed...oh wait, he does.
Everything in the universe sucks: It's the law.
Contents of message may have settled during shipment.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
Don't piss me off - I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left.
If we weren't meant to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
I tried to contain myself, but I escaped
You! Out of the gene pool!
5 out of 4 people don't understand fractions.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Onion ring to rule them all, onion ring to bind them.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Iguana: The other green meat.
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that)
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Carpenter's rule: cut to fit; beat into place.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot
Hit any user to continue.
cthread. cthread_fork(). Fork, thread, fork!
Hey! It compiles! Ship it!
Intel: We put the 'um...' in Pentium.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Calm down -- it's only ones and zeroes.
Save the whales. Feed the hungry. Free the mallocs.
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs. The trick is to make one with none.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Once you pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is no longer your friend.
Computers don't actually think. You just think they think. (We think.)
We are all ignorant...only on different subjects.
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
The contents of this message may be too intense for some viewers.
This message contains less than 2% real juice.
Dates in message may be closer than they appear.
Strong data typing is for those with weak minds.
Don't anthropomorphize computers. They don't like it.
A good pun is its own reword.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.
Opinions expressed are my own, but they should be everybody's.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
There is three errers in this sentence.
01001000 01101001 00100000 01001101 01101111 01101101 00100001
got root?
"Do Not Duplex Transparencies" - HP LaserJet IIID Users Manual
What you do today will cost you a day of your life.
Carpe carpum - Seize the fish!
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
Just when my ant farm started showing a profit, an ant bank foreclosed on it.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story.
add the following line: alias cd 'rm -rf' (doh!)
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
The Unix "file system" - Sure it corrupts your data, but look how fast it is!
Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec.
I am Loquacious of Borg. Prepare to be bored.
"I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma" - The Wizard of Oz
Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break the lever.
Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom. -- Homer Simpson
Def. Recursive: (see Recursive)
If they squeeze olives to get olive oil, how do they get baby oil?
Cheese -- milk's leap toward immortality.
Cthulhu for President! Why vote for a lesser Evil?
Did you know that Arizona Ice Tea is a product of Canada? That's weird.
Mynd you, m0se bites Kan be pretty nasti...
Invest in America - Buy a Congressman!
Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is.
50% of the population are under average intelligence
2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
The intellegence of the planet is constant, and the population is growing.
Ho! Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. (I think I think, therefore, I think I am.)
If it jams -- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Heisenburg may have been here
Unleash a virus / Fun for the first few minutes / Then the cops show up
Back off man, I'm a scientist.
My life is the only thing I'm willing to die for.
Fruit flies like bananas... Time flies like the wind...
I'm considering the possibility of thinking about having an opinion.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
If it isn't broken, fix it till it is.
I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays.
I'm so far behind I think I'm first.
If today is the first day of the rest of your life, what the hell was yesterday?
If I knew what I was doing, it wouldn't be called "research".
Hookt On Fonicks Werked Four Me!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
The truth is out th- oh, wait, here it is...
?tahw woN .ksid drah ym pu dekcab ev'I ,thgir llA
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
Mind the gap
I want to move to theory; everything works in theory.
Unix *is* user-friendly. It's just selective about its friends.
"Pinky, you've left the lens cap of your mind on again." - The Brain
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
How can you govern a nation which has 246 kinds of cheese? - Charles de Gaulle
kill -9 first. Ask questions later.
When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.
If you'd lived in a box all your life, would you know it?
It's not easy being green. It takes way more food coloring than you'd think.
I am not evil by nature. I am evil by choice.
post no bills
Dyslexic, Agnostic Insomniac: Lies awake at night wondering if there is a Dog.
I just got my results back. I failed my Turing test :-(
If it ain't broke, you need more software.
You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck!
If God hadn't meant for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
This message was encrypted with rot-26
Honk if you love justice!
hellenologophobia is the fear of Greek terms or complex scientific terminology.
The future will be a better tomorrow. -- Vice President Dan Quayle
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Do not write below this line.
Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.
You cannot make anything idiot-proof, because idiots are so ingenious.
Wow, it's like deja vu all over again.
Bardziej Owocowy Smak!
The contents of this message are subject to change without notice.
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All text and graphics contained on this site ©2000-2005, Bryan Horling.
